My brother recently re-created an account on Club Penguin, an online computer gaming site that we once played when we were kids. You can create your own penguin avatar, and wander around playing games and such. You can also adopt puffles, which are basically sterile tribbles. They’re small, brightly colored balls of fluff that go on adventures with you. Unfortunately, to get more than two puffles (red, blue, or both), you need to become a member, which of course costs money.
Ian: “I really want to become a member, but I don’t think it would be the best use of my money.”
Me: “No, not at all.”
Ian: “But then I could have a lot of puffles.”
Ian: “Orion. Orion. Come look at this. With a membership, you can adopt up to seventy-five puffles.”
Ian: “Come see for yourself!”
Sure enough, on the list of membership benefits was the delightful statement that you could have up to seventy-five of the little monsters, both inside and in your backyard.
Me: “What are we, making a puffle farm?!”
Ian: “You can adopt a dinosaur puffle!”
Me: “Dinosaur. Puffles.”
Ian: “And the golden puffle!”
Me: “Hang on, I’m still stuck on dinosaur puffles. Like, have they not seen Jurassic Park? Nothing good will come from this.”
Ian: “When I was a member, I had to get rid of sixteen of my puffles because I couldn’t even take care of three. Who’s gonna be able to take care of seventy-five?”
Me: “That’s the point. No one’s gonna be able to do it. The creators of Club Penguin are trying to exterminate penguinkind through dinosaurs.”
Ian *nodding* “Right.”
Me: “Dinosaur puffles.”
Ian: “We should go to Disney to complain about this.”
Me: “Think of the penguins!”
Ian: “Think of the other puffles! The poor, innocent puffles.”
Ian: “You don’t have to do this. You can stop. You can save them.”
Ian: “Stop before all of penguinkind is gone.”
I have no idea what I'm doing.