Recently, I was hanging out with my friends one fine evening when we decided to play Cards Against Humanity. For those of you not familiar with the game, it’s like a horribly fucked-up version of Apples-to-Apples. We chose to play the version where every time you won a round, you’d take a shot. Of Skittles. We also had a ghost hand; one person would randomly play a card from the deck, and if that was chosen, everyone had to take a shot.
As you might imagine, this progressively grew into a worse and worse punishment.
Shot 1: Actually rather good. The Skittles mingle together into a decent taste, although you do have to spend a good minute chewing.
Shot 2: Still tastes pretty good, but my jaw is beginning to hurt.
Shot 3: My jaw is aching.
Shot 4: The ghost keeps winning. I’ve downed about 80 Skittles.
Shot 5: I’m considering the possibility that I will vomit Skittles. I’m waiting longer and longer to take the next shot, and hoping that if I eat enough tortilla chips in between, it will wash away the flavor long enough to down another shot.
Shot 6: Why can’t I just swallow them all whole? This is how I will die.
Shot 7: Skittles were created solely to punish humanity. The US government will use this game as their next enhanced-interrogation technique. I welcome death.
By the next morning, I had brushed my teeth twice and eaten breakfast but I still tasted Skittles. I began seriously entertaining the notion that my mouth would just taste like Skittles for the rest of my life, and that everything I ate would taste like it was served with a side of candy.
Thankfully, somewhere in between my third teeth-brushing and second cup of tea, the flavor receded, but I vowed I would never eat Skittles again.
…At least not for another year or so.
I have no idea what I'm doing.