Mom: OH MY GOSH!
Dad: What’s the matter?
Mom: There’s a bug in my wine! Ugh, that’s so gross.
Dad fished it out, and Mom took back her glass to rinse it and her mouth out in the sink.
Dad: Oh, it’s a little beetle.
Dad: To be fair, I can think of a lot of worse bugs to find in your wine.
Mom: It’s still gross.
Dad: It must have flown indoors and been attracted to the smell.
Ian: Must have been an alcoholic beetle.
Mom came back over, looking around.
Mom: What did you do with it?
Dad: Well, it looked like it was dead, so I just tossed it on the ground.
Dad: It was dead!
Mom: So a dead beetle belonged on our floor?
Dad: Fine, I’ll pick it up. It can’t have gone too far.
He pushed the coffee table and couch apart from each other, searching the floor.
Dad: Oh, it’s still alive. Oh, man, look how it’s walking! It’s just wobbling all over the place!
Me: You got a beetle drunk!
Dad: The beetle got fucked up!
Mom: Yeah, it would’ve gotten even more fucked up if I had swallowed it.
Me: We need to make sure it gets home safe.
So Dad put the beetle outside near the grass so it could sleep it off.
I have no idea what I'm doing.