So I think I’ve come up with an idea for Gordon Ramsay’s next television venture. You know how he’s always going around to restaurants and hotels, telling them their food sucks and working with them to make it better? He’d make a killing going around to college cafeterias.
Seriously. When was the last time you had cafeteria food?
For those of you who haven’t tried it, consider yourself lucky. For those of you who have been subjected to it, allow me to refresh your memory.
I recently made a series of mistakes when it came to dining at the main cafeteria on campus. The first was that I decided to eat there in the first place. If I’m being honest, the only time the food’s consistently edible is at breakfast, but as it’s the cheapest place to eat for students, I’m usually stuck with it for most meals. My second mistake was seeing something I’d never had before and thinking, hey, they couldn’t possibly mess that up!
I was wrong.
I was so very, very wrong.
The dish was cheesy mashed potatoes, combining two of my great culinary loves. I’d never had it before (cafeteria version or otherwise), and I thought it would be a safe enough venture. Truth be told, I had been told beforehand there was regular mashed potatoes on the menu, and was craving it, which probably contributed to my decision to try it.
I pranced over to my friends’ table, sitting down to scoop up a bite of cheesy, potato-y goodness…
And the gates of Hell opened in my mouth.
It tasted like they combined instant mashed potatoes with nacho cheese powder. Eating this lukewarm, flavor-imbalanced monstrosity was like watching a cherub set fire to a garden filled with kittens. Something that should have been so wonderful was perverted beyond all recognition, and I’m pretty sure a small part of my soul died that night.
Gordon Ramsay, if you’re out there, I implore you to save the students of the world. Save them from being forced to choose between culinary abominations and eating Top Ramen for the fourth night this week. Save their stomachs, and you just might save their minds.
I’m begging you.
I have no idea what I'm doing.